Life lonely...

All I want is a boyfriend! That’s all I've been able to think about for the last week and a half. It’s starting to get annoying! I mean honestly, I'm hella cute (i know vain right?), I'm open for it! What is the hold up? What am i doing wrong? I can't figure it out. Maybe it’s that I’m still living at my parent’s house that could be a valid reason. But who knows its just starting to frustrate me. Because i really want one! Really bad! I just feel lonely i guess, and that’s not fun. Not at all. Even a date would be nice. Is that really too much to ask for? Dear Universe, I would like a boyfriend. Love Jacob.

In other news. The apartment search is coming along nicely, I’ve found some really great places, but i do need a third roomie. With three people we can get a way better place! Dear Universe, I would also like a third roomie. Love Jacob. As for the job hunt, I'm calling Lane Bryant tomorrow; hopefully i can finally set up an interview. I'll even take the Manager to lunch if i have to! I'm getting desperate here!

Ah a short blog. I like that lol.

Life scared and sad...

So last night I had on of the scariest experiences of my life; what could it be you might ask? Well this story starts on Tuesday. Tuesday evening I was sitting home watching the Royal Ballet's The Nutcracker, when I got a text from my friend asking if I wanted to hang out with her and my other friend Wednesday night. I said that I might be busy, but if I wasn't that I would love to. So come Wednesday the plans that I had fell through and I was going to be able to hang out with her. So I texted her, and the plan was that my other friend was going to come pick me up from my house and then we were going to go to the grocery store where she worked. This all went smoothly. We went and got her, and then we went to Riverton so that she could buy drugs?! What?! This girl I have known since 8th grade and she has always been the "good girl" friend. She was the girl that used to get on me for swearing! And now she's whoring around and doing E and Shrooms?!.

So we get to Riverton to her dealers house, and I park the car (I took her keys when she mentioned that she could see stars around the street lamps) and we wait for about 5 minutes. Then this 17-18 year old kid comes up to the car and gets in. well she is talking to him, and they decide to go to his place to get blue hearts I think? So I’m driving over there, and the kid pulls out a gun! And he's talking' up how he got it really cheap, and whoopty doo! So we get to his place and they go into his house, I decided that I should probably go with her because A. this kid had a gun, and B. this kid was kind of shady and I would hate myself if she got raped. So after sitting there for about 15 minutes I decided that she's going to be fine, and I really didn't want to be there if there was a drug bust or something (I’m kind of a sissy about that kind of stuff). So I went out to the car with my other friend.

The rest of the night consisted mostly of me driving around Salt Lake County, and getting In-n-Out burger. But over all I think that that was one of the scariest things that have ever happened to me. And I know, drugs? That’s sissy stuff, but I had never really had a friend that was an addict, let alone went to their dealer’s house. It makes me sad for her, she used to have so much potential... and now, well I don't really know what now.

Life Hopeful...

So I have been thinking, and I realized that I've been really mopey lately. And I'm not really 100% sure why. So I Have decided that I am done being like that. I mean, its no fun at all! And it really gets me nowhere, so what is the point of it, really? I think that it might be my being terrified of moving into the real world. That is a feat that I have yet to tackle. I mean honestly, I have never really supported myself, never had bills, been required to provide my own shelter, provide, and prepare my own food, and all the fun little trappings of single life. Don't get me wrong; I am so looking forward to it. I feel that I really need it to be able to really grow up and mature. I would like to consider myself a mature person, but when I really look into it, I'd say that I'm more precocious then mature. So this will be one of the hardest and most important things that I ever do with my life. And I really don't want to screw it up, but I think that it will be completely inevitable that I will screw up big time! But that’s one of the growing pains of life right?

I also decided today that I do really want to go to MUD in Burbank. I just don't want to go to a four-year college. I want to be a Makeup Artist. What do I need with Calc 1010? I guess if I'm trying to figure out the surface area of someone's face. But honestly, when will I ever need that? The only thing that freaks me out about that prospect in my life... the tuition for the course that I want to take is 22K and also I have to be able to pay for myself living there! Life is a scary thing when it comes down to it. But I have once again decided that I really want to be a more optimistic person. I want to come out of this dark place that I've been if for so long. That would be quite refreshing I think... don't you?

We'll see how this all ends up going won't we.......

Life unemployed....

So i have been searching for a job for the past week and a half, with little to no success. I think that I have been able to secure a job at Lane Brynat, a woman's plus sized specialty shop in the mall, but i have been unable to secure an interview. Every time I call thought, either the Hiring Manager sounds like she wants me to be there, or an associate mentions that they've heard her talking about me. What does this mean? Do i have a job, or should i move on?

I've been sending out my resume like crazy with very few results. I have come to the conclusion that most of the postings on craigslist.com are placed there by various hiring web sights. What makes you think this, you might ask? Well heres what. After sending an e-mail to the provided e-mail address I promptly receive an e-mail directing me to one of these various web sights. this has happened without fail about 10-12 times. It makes me wonder if looking on Craig's List is a waist of my time.I did receive an e-mail from a real person though today. I have based this assumption on the fact that they e-mailed me back stating that there was a typo on my e-mail address on my resume. I responded with a brief thank you.

My mother is harping on me about getting a job, but she isn't helping by preventing me from using any vehicle. Even today she came downstairs to where i was sitting watching a youtube video. She asked if i had called any places that i had applied to. when i told her that i had called Lane Bryant but was unable to talk to the Hiring Manger because she was at lunch she proceeded to tell me that maybe when I'm living on someone's couch I'll be more proactive at finding a job. She then asked if i had applied to pizza places, or restaurants, i stated that i had been unable to leave the house for the last four days. She then became defensive and told me that i should be calling people and left.

This attitude of hers is stating to really annoy me. Get over the fact that I'm a Faggot and help me get out of your house. because i can't just pick up and move out. I have no means of supporting myself, or anywhere to go! And your not helping the situation. I'm sorry that I'm not the Peter Priesthood that I was raised to be. It's just not who I am, or was ever meant to be. It's not your fault, its not my fault. If you want to be mad at some one be mad at God. He's the one who planned this whole life thing. I guess that was blasphemous. But seriously, this is getting to the point of ridiculous.

In other news i called Amazon.com today and resolved the Amazon Prime account and the $79 will be credited back to my account in 2-3 business days. So thats muy bueno! Now just to secure a job... and find an apartment, thats the tricky part.

Life stressed....

So its been a few days that i haven't posted, but who cares. I've been spending most of the last few days just sitting around my house. Lazy because I no longer have access to a vehicle. Who knew that telling your parents that they're religion just wasn't as important to you as it was to them could cause such spite. But oh well, a few more weeks of this and then i'll be rid of it. Just gotta stick it out till then, right?

But in other news i got a new phone, and so far I'm enjoying it. Still trying to get used to the whole touch screen thing, but its coming, slow and sure. I also have no clue what the theme for next week is, I'm thinking that it will just end up being vlog week. I guess we'll find out tomorrow. The job search is still coming slowly, allot due to my lack of mobility, which makes things harder. But Lane Bryant is supposed to be calling me sometime this next week about when a group interview is scheduled, so that is muy bueno!

I discovered a Leona Lewis song today that i feel describes how I've been feeling the last few days. Particularly the chorus. " So what if it hurts me? So what if i break down? So what if this world just throws me off the edge, My feet run out of ground I gotta find my place I wanna hear my sound Don't care about all the pain in front of me 'cause I'm just trying to be happy, yeah, Just wanna be happy, yeah". Tacky i know, but I don't know, i just kinda feel like the song speaks to me. haha.

I guess that i just have allot on my mind, and plate right now. And quite frankly, i don't know how to cope with it. Life is a bitch when she wants to be. I just hope that she's getting ready to be done. Because I know I am.

Life sneaking up on you...

Well today I was confronted by my parents about various things that they found in my room. And no it wasn't porno, or anything illegal. It was condoms, and a GQ magazine. And i also found out that my parents also found out about my youtube accounts, which they were NEVER intended to know about. So now i have the task of finding a new place, and fast. Just for the record, I am not being kicked out, I am moving out of my own accord. Basically because I can't live at my house and be who I really am. Its sad but true. Its a shame how such a positive day can turn out so rotten so quickly.

In other news i got a hair cut today and am loving it! Thank you Shayla. and also I talked to a perspective employer and semi-have a interview set up next week. So cross your fingers, double points if you cross your toes ;).

Life as a painter...

Today i managed to finish two paintings that i have been working on for about six months now. I guess i was in more of a "writher's block" with what colors to use for the characters and the backgrounds. but I am pleased to say that they turned out splendidly! they still lack names, so if anyone is having an idea, please let me know. I guess you could say that i am once again in a "writer's Block" of sorts.

I also found out today that i have almost 500$ in my checking account. And a mystery charge from Amazon.com. I do know what the charge is, they've enrolled me in their Amazon Premium subscription or something like that. But the strange thing is, when i went on their website to cancel it, it said that i am not enrolled.... Strange wouldn't you think? So I'm going to have to call them today to figure out what's going on. But all in all, a pretty good start for the day wouldn't you say?

Life as an unappreciated gay man...

Today i was must unfortunate to have the conversation with my parents about going on an LDS Mission. This has never really been in my plans for life, nor do i think that it ever will be. It was strange talking to my parents about it because i have been lying to them for so many years about my sexuality, my spiritual involvement in the church, who knows that I'm gay... And the list goes on. so its really strange, and difficult to be honest with them. especially when I'm living in their home. But hey, its only for another month or so then I'll be out on my very own! and that will be nice. I think at that point in time when i am not dependent on them i will be able to be honest with them. That is something that i have longed for for quite some time now. But who knows, I may be stuck living a semi-lie my whole life... shit...

But in other news I'm really glad to be home, and really excited to go job hunting tomorrow! I really can't wait till i can have a fairly steady flow of income something that i have been deprived of for the last few months while i was at school. The future looks bright from here, but i need be cautious. It is when life is good that we are at our weakest and prone to the cruelties of the world .

Good night world... Let us hope for a better tomorrow.

Life moving...

Today I will be moving back to the Mapleton in which my family lives. I'm both excited and depressed at the same time. The part of myself that i was allowed to let run wild down here will once again have to be capped off.
What part you might ask? Don't worry about it.
This is the ending of a chapter of my life, that I'm not so sure that I'm ready to close just yet. I will truly miss this place, as much as i hated it. But thats life, and she is a bitch if i do say so myself.
Who knows, maybe this is the best decision for me at this time. Lets just hope that everything works out in my favor... or at least the next two months.